TV ADVERTISEMENT: "...proud to introduce the proprietary new MISSED CONNECTION feature on our dating service, because we're still not ready to give up on making a version of GRINDR that doesn't completely CREEP OUT straight women!.."  MARK: "Oh yeah, 'cause THAT's my problem: I'm just MISSING all these great, eligible women EVERYWHERE I go! Like my kitchen! Or the bathroom! My bedroom! The mailbox!"  ~  MARK: *turning off TV and leaving room* "*sigh* Fine, I get it, Subconscious: I'm not allowed to complain about being single if I don't make an effort..."   ~   *a barrage of women emerge from hiding places in the newly vacated room* "Is...Is he gone?"  "Uhg! Finally! I thought he would NEVER leave!"

I think this one falls in the category of random bits my brain comes up with unbidden, that you probably shouldn't look too deep into... 


*on a beach* TEDDY: "Man, this is great! I wish we had a friend with a beach house so they'd let us borrow it and we could stay down here more often!"  ~  TEDDY: "I mean, I'd wish that WE had a beach house, but honestly I think even positing us making friends with someone who has one ALREADY stretches credulity...

 So it's probably pretty obvious where this is going, but if anyone did want to lend me their beach house...

...Or sell me their fixer-up beach house that just needs a bit of TLC for, like, a dollar...


TEDDY: "...Yeah, I mean, I still do DEFINITELY get IMPOSTOR SYNDROME, but at least now I'm AWARE of it, so I know intellectually it's more a part of coming of age and if I just trust in myself to accomplish something I'll probably be able to handle it..."  ~  TEDDY: "Unless, of course, that awareness desensitizes me to the point that my insecurities trigger me to automatically over compensate, with OVER confidence, so I OVER reach, and it all comes crashing down, and everyone knows I'm just a giant fraud and I lose any credibility I ever had and am forever doomed to be written of as just an entitled millenial..." *fades off to Teddy in a dark room, rocking in the fetal position*

*Jeff Goldblum voice* "What I'm saying is life anxiety, uh... finds a way"...


ALLISON: "Yikes! Think it might be time for a new toothbrush there?"  TEDDY: "NO! I just got it how I like it!"

"Sooo, then why don't you just buy a NEW toothbrush with a bristle density you actually like?"

"What?! BUY a toothbrush when the dentist gives you that cheap generic one that probably cost 5¢ bulk from China for FREE?!?


TEDDY: *walking into room carrying a bowl, visibly buzzed* "Ok, absolutely no offense to RAISIN BRAN, but it REALLY isn't the best DRUNK FOOD..."  ~  ALLISON: *also buzzed* "Ok, I think it's REALLY time for you to get a job..."   TEDDY: "Eh...How about we compromise with me ACTUALLY GOING GROCERY SHOPPING?.. Say sometime in the next week?.. Week and a half..."

I should go into marketing: "RAISIN BRAN: It's great for breakfast!.."