Evens are Odds: May 2017

Progress

SOCIETY: "So, Hollywood, we know 2017 is already a class 5 billion shit-hurricane, and there's hella other stuff going on right now, but now that we've got a name for TOXIC MASCULINITY. we're appreciating how problematic it is, and we could really use your help with some better mainstream roll models..." HOLLYWOOD: "Ok, sure thing! Surly, loner men resolving conflicts through brute application of violence, improbably-unyielding feats of strength, dominance, distrust, and just generally hyperbolic ~manliness~tm is a NO-GO. Got it! Sounds good!" HOLLYWOOD: "Ok, so basically we took a bunch of those movies, and we didn't change the plot, or characterizations at all, but we've rewritten the problematic men as women, and we've got a rotating pool of about 3 female actors that we're willing to cast in them!" SOCIETY: "..." HOLLYWOOD: *movie poster bosting "This Summer, CHARLIZE THERON is LADY RAMBO: Same Unhealthy Fetishization of vigilante militarism you loved in the original hero, but now WITH CLEVAGE!!!" SOCIETY: "Yeah, apparently we're completely fine with this..."

The Writer part of my Brain: "But flawed characters are so much more fun to write!"
Yeah, you're not helping...

I'll give you maybe 40/60 odds that this movie's actually in development somewhere in Hollywood, but assuming it is. I guarantee the working title is actually "Lady Rambo"... #remindmehowwe'reokwiththisagain?

Namesake

*gathered in maternity ward* MAC GIRL: "Aww, Baby ASPEN! What a unique name!" ALLISON:"Yeah, neither of us is a huge fan of that "name your kid after the place where they were conceived" thing, but I guess we're also HIPSTER enough that in this case we thought it was a really pretty name..." MARK: "Hold up! When the hell were you two in COLORADO 9 months ago? ~ ALLISON: "COLORADO? Who said anything about Colorado?" TEDDY: "TBH, I know I'm no botanist, but I'm still not entirely convinced it wasn't just a BIRCH tree..." ALLISON: "We've been over this: BIRCH isn't a name! Just take the plausible deniability and drop it before it becomes a thing..."

Hey, it's still better than "Albus Severus," amiright?..

...Besides, you gotta give props to Teddy and Allison for the shear accomplishment here, at the very least: When you're talking *logistics*, an aspen's far from the most conducive species one could go for...

Exigency

When I came up with this last night (admittedly rather near the tail end of a pretty packed day) I was worried it was such low hanging ~~fruit~~ deli-meat that there was no way there wasn't a slew of similar jokes that had already been made, but now I'm kinda questioning just how sleep deprived I was by that point...