Evens are Odds: 2018

Me to myself: *It's fine; reading through this in posterity they won't even realize you didn't manage to finish and post this until December...*

Look, it's a cute dinosaur, what more do you want? At least I got to actually make the jack'o'comic this year...

Comfort Zone

"Wow, you're so cool, just jumping in literally anywhere at the drop of a hat, like its nothing! Is there anywhere you don't just fit in?!..

CPP Genius Edition

"Note: I'm using the term 'Genius' here in the sense in which it is defined in Elizabeth Gilbert's 2009 TED talk. I highly recommend listening to the talk in its entirety, especially if you work in a creative field, but for the TLDR sensibility, the gist is that in 'Ancient Greece & ancient Rome...people did not happen to believe that creativity came from human beings,' but rather that it, 'was this divine attendant spirit that came to [them] from some distant & unknowable source, distant & unknowable reasons. The Greeks famously called these divine attendant spirits of creativity 'damons',' while the Romans, 'called that sort of disembodied creative spirit a genius." ~ ALLISON: "So you get that important email you were trying to write sent?" TEDDY: "I accidentally designed a decorative mask instead!"

My rationality & common sense: "All right let's just get this over with! Not even too bad, just need to hunker down and be productive for one quick burst..."

Scumbag creativity genius: "WHAT IF YOU HAD AN EYE, BUT WITH A G-CLEFT AS IT'S IRIS? WHAT WOULD THAT MOTIF LOOK LIKE PLAYED OUT!!!"

It is gonna be a really cool mask, though!..

...and the TED link: https://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius

...but also a little bit of just this...

Ease

Teddy: *washing hands in public bathroom* "Crap! Automatic soap dispensers..." ~ Teddy: *sticking hand under soap sensor, to have nothing happen* "See! This always happens! Nothing! And now I can't move my hand away 'cause it will definitely dispense ON TO THE FLOOR as soon as I do! Just have to sit here waiting like an idiot!" ~ *Teddy waits angrily, slowly waving hand beneath soap dispense as days and nights cycle past in the window* ~ Teddy: *conceding and moving hand back to faucet* "Sigh! Well I guess it really is brok--OH GORRAM IT!" *soap dispenser finally dispenses as soon as hand is clear*

"I feel like there have been really weird astronomical phenomena recently?
Like, did you notice half a dozen day-night cycles go by in the space of about 15 seconds just now?"

Maximum Effort

*Teddy carrying enormous load of stuff* ALLISON *Wheeling wheel barrow into room*: "Woah, woah! Work smarter, not harder!" ~ TEDDY: "I mean, I *SPECIFICALLY* made sure to drag the broom behind me so it's sweeping as I go! So you could say I'm working smarter AND harder!.." ALLISON: "..." TEDDY: "...SMARDER!.." ALLISON: "Everything about this is getting dumber w/ EVERY word you say."

♪ "...Every breath you take..." ♫

Skill Set

INTERVIEWER: "...So...obviously we appreciate your enthusiasm and, uh... PREPAREDNESS...." ~ INTERVIEWER: "...But we really meant that we were looking for someone good at METAPHORICALLY putting out fires..." TEDDY: *wearing fire suit, with extinguisher & fire fighter's ax on the table* "Ah! Yes. I can see how that would make sense... And honestly it does go to answer some questions I had about your OFFICE ENVIRONMENT..."

"Sooo, these experiences and references may not actually be as pertinent I thought they were going to be before you said that...."

CPP: Priority Edition

*Mark & Teddy in the doorway of a dark room MARK: "Oh sorry there's no light in here, the switch is broken..." TEDDY: "Wait, is it actually JUST the switch, 'cause that'd be DEAD EASY to swap out: In fact, I'm pretty sure I have some new wall switches in my stuff..."* ~ "When it's SOMEONE ELSE's thing that needs to be FIXED:" "LITERALLY 5 MINUTES later:" TEDDY: *switching on the light* "Hey, how about that! That fixed it!" ~vs~ "When it's MY thing that needs to be fixed:" "3 YEARS later:" *A completely black room, a loud "CLUNK!" reverberating through* DISEMBODIED SPEECH BUBBLE: "OW!!"

...But see, I can fix MY shit ANYTIME;

Whereas if I don't fix this rest stop soap dispenser NOW, nobody's EVER going to do it!...

Metaphor

*Teddy in the process of blowing up a life-size elephant inflatable, sewing supplies and materials still strewn about.* ALLISON: *entering and immediately leaving the room* "Nope! I LITERALLY refuse to talk about this." TEDDY: "I'm telling you, it's an UNTAPPED market!.."

I've already got about 37 dozen too many projects going on at the moment, so can't make a commitment to any kind of timeline, but pretty sure this means I'm gonna actually make a life-size inflatable elephant at some point.

I'm thinking briefcase-deployed?..

Playing House

"Honey, I'm Home!"

"Ah, perfect timing! Diner's almost ready: How well done do you want your dinosaur?"

Habitude

*Teddy approaching a creepy run down house on a dark, stormy night* ALLISON *on the phone*: "...and you've NEVER heard of this 'Great Uncle'..." ~ TEDDY *opening the front door to enter with a "creeeaak"*: "No, but my lawyer says the WILL is very clear: I just have to spend 1 NIGHT here, and the house is mine, just like tha---" ~ *Door "SLAMS" shut of it's own volition, revealing a creepy ghost child looming ominously behind Teddy...* ~ Cut to "...Several months later..." *house under renovation, brightly lit and cheerful* TEDDY *holding up two flooring samples*: "Ok, so what do you think of these two: Harvest Wheat or Honey Oat?" CREEPY GHOST CHILD *hovering casually on by*: "I dunno, I'm still not sold on White Oak over the Maple..."

This is almost certainly my white male privilege talking, but my tolerance for creepy ghost children is actually really very high when taken in consideration with my affinity for old houses in need of a bit of love, so you know, hit me up if you're looking for someone to give your *Great Uncle's place* to!..

...or if you wanted to pursue a sitcom featuring a Craftsperson-Creepy Ghost Child house renovation duo; we could talk about that too...