Millennial Culture

*Graph with "t=Time the office 'CLOSES' & you ostensibly clock out" progressing through "t:01, t:02, t:03, .... , t:07, t:08, t:09, t:10+" on the x-axis as "Time you ACTUALLY end up leaving" and "Level of Discomfort" on the y-axis ranging from "it's fine. just fine..." to "ALL THE DISCOMFORT!!"; Plot extends asymptotically past "ALL THE DISCOMFORT!!" as it approaches ~t:01 and tapers toward bearable around t:07, leveling off near 0 past t:10...

In this weeks installment of maths I refuse to calculate: The cumulative time I give away free because of my insecurity's prognostications on the optics of leaving the office at, God forbid, 5:03!



*Music player w/ "Like" "Dislike" & "OBSESS UNREMITTINGLY" buttons; Hover text for "OBSESS UNREMITTINGLY" reads "Engaging UNREMITTING OBSESSION on this song will put it into rotation at a rate averaging once every third song, gradually tapering off to normal over the course of a week."

"UNREMITTING OBSESSION mode now features integration with smart home devices! Once you've engaged UNREMITTING OBSESSION mode on a song, simply say 'OK Google: RELEASE THE KRACKEN!' to automatically play the song from the beginning at full volume on ALL available devices!.."